For some, the single life is exactly where they want to be. There is a lot to enjoy about being single and there are many perks that being in a relationship doesn’t offer.
For others, being single is not a choice. They try and try, yet nothing seems to work. It becomes painful. They start to feel like something must be wrong with them or maybe they just aren’t meant to find someone? They dream of getting married and maybe having kids, but doubts grow bigger as the years go by.
If you’ve been single for a long time and not by choice, it can be painful. Here are some reasons why it hurts so much (and a few things to make it better). After reading this article make sure to check out 15 Perks of Being Single.
Or take this fun Quiz: When Will You Fall in Love?
1. You fear you might have missed your person
Remember that guy you dated for a few weeks and then blew off because he was too short? Or that girl you made eye contact with three times at that party, but you never went over and said hi. Maybe that was your person and you missed out? Maybe that was your happy ever after and you just walked away from it?
You can never know how the past would have turned out because yes, maybe you could be in a happy relationship with that person. But, there are tons of people you could be in a happy relationship with. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Maybe they will randomly pop back up in your life? Anything is possible.
Chances are you didn’t miss out on your person because if it was the right person things would have a way of working out. People get 2nd, 3rd and even 4th chances all the time and someone who is perfect for you is worth fighting for and taking a chance on.
And for more comfort, there are billions of people in the world, millions of them who are single and at least one million who are single and the age and gender you prefer. The more picky you are of course the smaller your pool of choice but with the internet and online dating, you have your choice of millions of people all over the world. You’ll find someone that’s right for you.
2. You try and try and try, yet keep failing
Sometimes it feels like you’ve tried everything and nothing works. You’ve tried online dating, getting set up by friends, speed dating, singles mixers, following random attractive people on Instagram and doing nothing at all. You’ve tried it all, yet here you are, still single. What the heck are you doing wrong?
Probably nothing.
It’s hard to know what to do when it comes to effort in dating. Some say to just stop trying and let love find you. Go live your life and be happy doing things you like and someone who likes the same things will be there and you’ll fall in love. Right?
It kinda makes sense, if you love the beach and go every Friday night, chances are someone else who likes the beach and is attractive will go to the beach on a Friday night too. However, at this point at least one of you has to make some sort of initial effort if you want to have any sort of relationship with this person.
Logically though, making effort does make sense. If you don’t have an online dating profile and check it regularly, how are you going to meet someone? What if you prefer home-based activities? The chances of you meeting someone while your playing video games or doing a puzzle at home is very rare.
So there is no answer to what you should do to fall in love, but there is a saying that goes, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results” so think about that.
3. No one to connect with deeply on a higher level
We’ve all seen the couples on TV and in real life, that are just glowing in love. They are just constantly together and always happy. They finish each others sentences and sometimes seem to have the same brain because they just know what one another is thinking. You can feel the love and connection between them. Usually they have been together forever and you just know that they will keep their marriage vows.
To have someone to connect with on that level, is a precious thing and not something that everyone gets to enjoy. Having someone who understands you and you don’t have to explain yourself to all the time to, makes it so much easier to share your thoughts and feelings. When you are sharing your thoughts and feelings with people who don’t get you, they can get twisted and you might say something but they think you mean something else. This ends up causing problems and might be more trouble than it’s worth. You might feel like it’s not even worth talking to them about certain stuff, hindering your connection with that person.
You can’t expect to connect with your lover with every single thing though; that’s too high of an expectation. Your husband is probably never really going to care much about what color you should paint your nails or your wife might never care about your football team. A good lover will listen to you while you talk about what interest you and try to take some interest in it themselves, but don’t expect too much.
Different people think differently and no one will ever know exactly what you’re thinking all the time, and that’s a good thing. But it is nice to have someone who just understands and loves you, and that person doesn’t always have to be a someone you’re romantic with.
4. You have to make big life decisions on your own
Life has a lot of hard decisions that need to be made. Where will you live? What job should you have? What are you going to do now that something unexpected happened?
When you’re in a relationship, you have to consider your partner in your choices. You can’t just accept a job in another country when you’re married. You have to talk to your partner and see if they are willing to move or not. Your choice affects another person or possibly people. The upside is you don’t have to make the decision on your own and you have someone to help you when things get hard.
When you’re single, you are the only one who has to make the choice. Sure, your choice might affect some people, but it’s yours to make and it’s your life to live. That can be the best thing ever or that can be extremely scary, just depends.
5. It’s lonely
You come home at the end of the day and even if you have roommates or live with family, you end up in your bed alone at night. You have no one to cuddle with or plan for the next day with. No one to talk about how happy or annoyed you are or share your hopes and dreams with.
You wake up alone and start your day alone. Something good happens and you are excited, but there’s no one to tell….
Yeah, being single can be very lonely…. but it doesn’t have to be.
There are tons of people out there you can connect with and spend time with. Lots of people choose to be single and they are fulfilled through their friends and family. They don’t need to have a family of their own because they can just go home for Christmas and play with their nieces and nephews or they may prefer to spend it with friends or church family. Everyone is different but love can be found anywhere.
6. You have no idea when or if you’ll meet anyone
Not knowing when or even if you’ll meet anyone is extremely hard. You start off hopeful. You picture your ideal mate, you sign up for online dating and even get a haircut. After a few months of bad dates that lead nowhere the hope starts to fade. You feel like you’ve wasted time and money on your search and you don’t feel anywhere closer to your actual person. Turn those months into years and it’s easy to give up, feel depressed or be cynical.
It wouldn’t be so bad if you knew 100% for sure that you’d meet the man of your dreams in 2 years. Then you could go along your way and be prepared for him when the time comes. Life doesn’t work like that though. It’s open to possibilities and anything is possible and things can change.
So realistically, you may or may not meet someone to fall in love with. If you do end up getting married who knows when you’ll meet your special person. Maybe you already have?
With all the breakups, divorces, widows and new people born everyday (you cougar), the chances of you finding someone to love romantically at least once in your life is extremely high. Especially if you make a point to meet new people and put yourself out there a bit then your chances go up even more.
7. You fear you’ll miss out on great life experiences
If you don’t fall in love and get married, you’ll probably still have a great full life. Society can put ideas into people’s heads that if you don’t follow a certain set of rules that you’ll never be happy, but that could not be further from the truth.
Sure you might not get to experience a big wedding, anniversaries, or have someone to spend Valentines Day with, but do you really need all that? Who needs a huge wedding bill? And a wedding is just a big party, throw yourself a party! Take yourself out on holiday’s. Plus, you already have an anniversary, it’s called your birthday!
There are still lots of things you can do even without a partner. Who said you needed someone else to be a parent? You can adopt, foster, or even insemination. Or adopt lots of fur babies. There are plenty of places to find love and the experiences that you want, you just have to be open to it.
Well for me, being a single man is the worst thing that ever happened to me. I always thought that i was going to find love since being single has so many disadvantages as well. Try going out to a restaurant by yourself which it isn’t a good idea at all when people keep staring at you as if you don’t belong here. And wherever we decide to go which we will always be alone unfortunately. It is very difficult for many of us single men to find love today since the women now aren’t like the good old days at all which back then when most women were the very complete opposite of today and real ladies as well, and now most women are very horrible to meet altogether since Feminism is everywhere today.
Hi Rick,
You aren’t alone in your struggle. I agree that being single, especially when I also thought I’d find love by now, is also one of my greatest challenges and I can’t help but feel that my life would be better if I was in a relationship.
I think it goes both ways because many women would say that it’s hard to find a good man for various reasons as well.
I am doing my best to find joy in my season of singleness and I hold on to the hope that I won’t be single forever. Most people do end up getting married and if you wait for/find the right person then the chances of being in a happy, long lasting marriage are way better being in a relationship just to be in one and not be alone.
As for being alone, maybe you’ll like this article https://livelovequiz.com/2019/07/01/5-ways-to-be-content-with-being-alone/
You may also like this article that will hopefully give you some hope while you are in your season of singleness. https://livelovequiz.com/2019/04/13/7-ways-to-stay-hopeful-when-youre-still-single/
🙂
I have tried everything from dating sites to just going out and not expecting to meet any woman at all. I try to just keep laughing, and having fun while enjoying life but ultimately the searing pain deep within my heart of not having that special lady in my life is sometimes overwhelming no matter how hard I try to just simply enjoy life. I constantly show up stag to music festivals, gatherings, etc., and it is always the same…I look around and see all of the couples, and I get so envious, then jealous then the hurt feelings inside which are the most unbearable.
I can relate how you feel Brent. It’s so taxing trying and even not trying and still seeing no results. And it’s even worse when you see all these people around you enjoying the very thing you desire most.
For a long time I even tried staying off of social media because so many people were getting married and having babies and it’s like, when is it going to be my time? How come I haven’t gotten to experience that joy? And of course you wonder if you’ll ever experience it…..
I pray that you find someone to love and enjoy life with. Until then, I pray that you are able to find joy in your singleness. Being single really isn’t always all that bad, there are a lot of perks that come with it. Being married/in a relationship isn’t always all that great, there is a lot of drama and sacrifice that comes along with it.
I hope this article https://livelovequiz.com/2017/07/14/15-perks-of-being-single/ helps you find some perks you can enjoy while you’re still single.
I also wrote an article about why you should stop looking for love. https://livelovequiz.com/2018/05/14/7-reasons-why-you-should-stop-looking-for-love/ . I know you said you’ve already tried this route, but maybe this article will shed some fresh insight.
I hope you find who you are looking for :).
I am 32 and the last time I was in a relationship was 8 years ago. The loneliness aches like a hunger pang. I feel the shame hang over me like a dark cloud. I feel like life gave me a diagnosis, I don’t know what I suffer from, I don’t know how to cure it, I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get cured, what I know is that I ache. Oh how I ache!!
I feel you Koi. I’m about the same age and haven’t been in a serious relationship in years….. The good news you are actually still quite young! There is no need for you to feel shameful, being single doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you or that you have a disease. Many people do treat it this way and it’s hard not to feel that way when people are constantly asking you if you’re dating or how come you’re still single. Or the nights when you just want someone to be there… It definitely isn’t easy to be single and it does literally ache. You are not alone.
More good news is it doesn’t have to ache forever! Like i said before, you are young and the chances of you getting into a relationship are really high! Most people do end up getting married at some point in their lives and there is plenty of hope for you!
Check out this quiz “When Will You Fall in Love?” https://livelovequiz.com/2017/06/26/quiz-when-will-you-fall-in-love/. I hope that it inspires you and gives you hope that you will not be single forever, you have nothing to feel shameful about, nothing is wrong with you and that you will fall in love!
I’ve never even had a relationship. Never more than a couple dates with one guy ever.
The very sad about being single and alone all the time is that when many friends that we know are all settled down which makes our life suck even more. At least being in a relationship does make you much stronger physically and mentally altogether, especially if you really are with the right person that is very committed to you as well. Many of us single good men can’t even meet a good woman anymore these days since a great deal of these women are very stuck up, very nasty, have a very bad attitude problem, and a lot of these women have a very severe mental problem to go along with it as well unfortunately making it even much more difficult for us men to really meet one now. Just saying good morning or hello to a woman now that many of us men would really like to meet has become very dangerous for us, and we really have to be very careful of sexual harassment as well since many of these type of very pathetic women are looking to hang us out dry altogether. So how in the world can many of us men find love since the women today are nothing at all like the past when it would’ve been much easier back then? Women have really changed today since they just have too many very high standards now as well. Women with their careers are the worst ones of all since they’re so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, gold diggers, and very money hungry today as well. They will only want the very best of all, and will never ever settle for less either. So it is these kind of women today that have really destroyed the dating scene altogether now as well. Most of these women just can’t accept a man for who he really is anymore, since a great deal of them just want a man with money to begin with. Total losers that most women are nowadays which certainly explains it all.
Being single can make you just as strong physically and mentally, sometimes even stronger. Sure, it seems like having a partner makes things easier, but that’s not always the case.
I get it though, you see those couples that are just perfect for each other and compliment one another so well…. It’s great having someone there for you through the struggles or just to enjoy life with. It hurts when we don’t have that and especially when we try so hard and get knocked down again and again.
It sounds like you’ve been hurt by women in the past. There are many people, both men and women, who aren’t worth dating. Just remember, not all women are the same and there are good women out there. Don’t let that hurt discourage you from the future prospects out there!
Try to keep a positive and hopeful attitude in your search for love, it really does make a difference. And sure, you might get knocked down a few more times, but don’t let it break you. Be persistent and your chance of success will be much higher.
I recommend trying to be friends with women you are interested in instead of trying to date them right away. This way you can figure out if they are even worth pursing and what kind of person they really are. Check out this article https://livelovequiz.com/2019/11/07/7-reasons-why-you-should-be-friends-before-starting-a-romantic-relationship/
Hope it helps! Best of luck to you in your search! Stay positive and hopeful!
Thank you very much for your support.
God is a real filthy scumbag for punishing many of us good men with singleness, especially when we never wanted to be in the first place.
I agree, Todd. I’m a woman who stopped believing in god after 30 years of fruitless prayers. God is a rotten foul thing if it has a will and a plan for me to be single the rest of my life. It sucks for single women as well as men. I became an atheist because of this bad experience of 30 years of heartbreak, rejection and inability to attract a suitable man to marry. I wish I’d died 30 years ago rather than experiencing the awfulness of living on one income with no parents or relatives to help me. I hate not being able to afford to travel like my married friends have. It’s just not fair!!