You swipe right and a match notification comes up. You start talking and actually have a decent conversation. You start to wonder, could this person be a good one?
Online dating can be fun, but it can also suck. There are many red flags to watch out for so you don’t end up in a shady or emotionally draining situation. Safety of course is extremely important to be careful who you decide to meet, but even people who may seem “safe” and might not hurt you physically can hurt you emotionally.
I’ve had my fair share of online dating experiences, both good and bad. These are the things I’ve learned to watch out for when I venture into the online dating world.
Quiz: Is Online Dating Right for You? — Live Love Quiz
Wanting to leave the app right away
One of the first things many people who don’t have good intentions will do is try to get you off the app ASAP. There really seems to be no point in getting off the app until you’ve had a good conversation and you can see it moving forward to meeting this person.
You can usually establish if the person you’re chatting with is someone you want to meet or if there is a deal breaker early on. There is no point in meeting up if they only want to hook up while you want a long-term relationship. There is no need to get off the app until you have gotten to this stage.
If the person is persistent or asks to exchange numbers or social media within the first few messages, you have to ask yourself why? Do they maybe have a girlfriend or boyfriend so they don’t want to keep the app on their phone long? Or some people are insecure and want to take you away from other possible conversations you could be having with other people.
No matter what the reason, there is no need to rush off the app. It’s there for a reason and many of them are equipped with plenty of functions like voice chat or video calls. Take your time and wait until you’re comfortable before giving out any personal information. Once you’ve both decided that you want to set up a date then that’s usually the perfect time to move things off the app.
Never wanting to leave the app
On the flip side, it’s just as bad if the person never wants to leave the app. You might be having a great conversation with them and look forward to moving things forward, but you can’t do that you never leave it.
Some people just want someone to talk to, and that’s fine. It can be nice to go on an app and just talk to someone and have a good conversation, but it’s not nice for the person who is looking for something more.
You have to ask yourself why they don’t want to leave the app as well. Maybe they just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready to move on yet? Or maybe they are still in a relationship, but they are having problems and wanting to see what is out there? Or it’s possible they like talking to you but don’t see it turning into something more?
After chatting for a while and if you feel comfortable ask to exchange numbers or social media. A good amount of time to talk on the app is usually a few days to a couple of weeks. That’s a good amount of time to establish the basics and if you want to move things forward. You shouldn’t be talking on an app for months if you have the intention of actually dating the person.
Many times, I notice the men will ask to exchange info first. I do like it when men take the lead to be honest, but I’ve also asked guys for their number too. Many were grateful because it does take the pressure off of them ask since they might not want to ask too soon and seem pushy.
Asking for a ton of pictures
This is one that’s really annoying to me personally. Especially because I make sure to post a variety of pictures on my dating profile. I’ve learned that it’s good to have a mix of selfies and also full body pictures. People tend to post more selfies but when it comes to dating, it is good to see the person’s body as well. Yes, deep down we are all somewhat shallow and want to make sure we are attracted to the body type as well as the face.
So, if I take the time to post of a variety of good pictures, it’s annoying to me that once we start texting one of the first things a guy asks for is a picture.
Okay, I do understand that many people do this to verify that the person they were talking to online is the same person over the phone. I’ve come to accept this. If I get asked for a picture, I’ll send one and usually ask for one back as well. It’s when I start to get asked for them all the time that it starts to get annoying.
My least favorite is when a guy will ask me to send him a picture of me “right now”. I get it, he wants to see me “in the moment” but if I’m sitting around in my pjs, I am not sending you a picture. I personally don’t like to be caught off guard and asked for pictures. I don’t mind sending one once in a while or I don’t mind if you send me pictures, but it’s just annoying when a guy will ask on a regular basis.
I can’t speak for the men on this one, but I know how I feel about it as a woman.
And it’s not just that it’s annoying, it’s kinda weird. Why do you need so many pictures of me? Why do you want me to send them to your phone? If you want to “see” me, we’ll let’s meet up for a date.
And warning, do not send any picture that you wouldn’t post online, because there’s always chance that it will end up there.
Not wanting to talk on the phone or video chat
Before meeting up in person, I generally like to talk on the phone or video chat, just to make myself feel a little more comfortable. It’s nice to hear the person’s voice and to get a feel for their conversation style. Some people are great texters, but they aren’t very good conversationalist and vice versa. I’ve talked to some men who just weren’t good texters, but I had great conversations with them.
Sometimes I’ll opt for a video chat which is good too. It’s nice to actually see the person you are talking to, and you can even have a “video chat date” if that is something you’re interested in or if you live somewhat far away.
The point is to add a level of comfort and familiarity before meeting up. Most people who are genuine and want to get to know you have no problem doing this. Especially if it’s just a quick call.
If someone says they don’t want to talk on the phone or video chat before meeting that can be a red flag. First, it’s possible that they have no real intention of ever meeting in real life because if someone is willing to meet up, they are probably going to be willing to talk on the phone. If they don’t ever video chat or talk on the phone, especially when they are supposedly home, then you have to wonder if they live with someone who would be upset by them talking to you?
Of course, you don’t have to talk on the phone or video chat before meeting, I’ve met people after just texting. It depends on how comfortable you feel in the situation, but what you want to watch out for is if you ask someone to talk or to video chat and they say no, then that’s a red flag.
Canceling plans last minute
How annoying is it if you are getting ready for a date or are already on your way, only to have the person you are meeting text to say they aren’t going to be able to make it? There are legit reasons of course, but if this happens more than twice, especially before a first meeting, I’d call that a red flag and move on.
If someone really wants to meet up with you, chances are they will still make it happen. Sure, they might be late or have to push the time back, but that’s better than canceling.
Also consider what their reasoning is for canceling because there’s a good chance that this issue will come up again and you’ll have to decide if it’s something you can deal with.
One example is maybe their kid is sick. That is a legit reason to cancel a date, however, kids get sick on a regular basis… is that something that will bother you later on down the road? Or maybe they have to work late, will you feel like they are putting work before you if they have to work late often?
Sure, it can be a one time situation, but just something to think about. I’d definitely say give them a second chance to see if it’s just a one time thing, but if it happens on a regular basis or multiple times, then there might be a deeper reason why they are canceling.
What other dating online dating red flags have you come across? Let me know in the comments!