One of the most frustrating places to be when dating is the in between stage. You know, that stage where you aren’t an official couple yet since you haven’t had that talk, but you are acting like a couple. It’s the stage where you talk every day, have been dating for months and are starting to decide if this is someone you could spend the rest of your life with.
Getting out of this stage can be tricky but the truth is the relationship will either move forward or eventually fizzle out.
There are a few things you can do to try and figure out how the other person feels about you. Hopefully these tips will help you to figure out where you stand and if the person you’re dating sees a future with you.
1. Pay attention to their actions
Action speak louder than words. We all know this but sometimes it’s easy to overlook.
Many people are great with words and very charming, but if their actions don’t back up what they are saying then it’s just empty talk. Anyone can say that they love you and care for you but if they don’t show it then you have to question if they really mean it.
Love is more than just a feeling; love is an action.
If someone’s actions contradict what they say, then you have to believe their actions. If someone says that they really like you, but they constantly cancel dates or they keep “forgetting” to text you back, well that speaks for itself.
Some people have trouble expressing their feelings but they may be speaking to you through their actions. Do they make time for you? Do they make you a priority? Are they consistent? Are they quick to offer help when you need it? Things like that speak louder than words.
2. Use the questions in Steve Harvey’s Book
In Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man” he suggests 5 questions for a woman to ask a man before things start to get too serious. They are:
1. What are you short term goals?
2. What are your long term goals?
3. What are your views on relationships?
4. What do you think about me?
5. How do you feel about me?
1 -3 help to figure out if he lines up into your vision of the future. You’ll be able to see if you both want the same things and if you have similar values.
Short term goals are more of the small things like getting a promotion or exercising more. Things that he plans to accomplish in the next 3 to 5 years. This question will help you to see where he is currently in his life and what is important to him. If he doesn’t have any short-term goals or plans, Harvey says that is a red flag.
The long-term goals help you to see if you ultimately want the same things. Do you want to buy a house in a small town and have a few kids? Or do you want to live in the city and focus on your career?
If your goals line up and you could see yourself fitting into his plan (or him/her into yours) then that’s a good thing and gives you a reason to move forward. However, if you want to buy a house and have some kids but they want to travel around and live in different cities over the next few years, then you might want to really think if things would work out. If your plans don’t match up, its okay. It’s better to find out in the beginning than to find out years down the road.
4 and 5 are the two questions that I think help the most in figuring out if he sees a future with you. They might seem to be the same question but thinking and feeling are two different things. What he thinks of you and what he feels for you are actually different because one is based off the mind while the other off the heart. A person might say “I think you’d be a great wife and mother. I feel that I enjoy being around you and I am always laughing and smiling when you are near.” That would be an ideal answer.
3. Ask
The most obvious way to figure this out is to ask. Oddly, asking isn’t always the easiest way though. It can be awkward to just randomly ask “Hey, so where do you see this going?” but this is the most efficient and accurate way to know.
Eventually you will have to have a conversation about your relationship so prepare yourself to get comfortable talking about these things and even being the one to start the conversation. You don’t have to wait for your partner to bring it up, heck, they might even be waiting for you to bring it up.
If you ask your partner, you will get one of three answers. Either you both will decide to become exclusive, you will decide that you aren’t right for each other or you will decide that you need more time to figure things out.
Regardless of what you decide, it’s good to keep open communication the whole time you are dating. If you don’t feel like you can easily talk to this person, then maybe they aren’t the right one for you? I know I personally only want to be with someone I feel I can openly talk to.
4. Play a questions game
On your next date night play a questions style game together! Question games are great because they help you to get to know one another while being fun and opening up the door to some great conversations. That’s the goal of question games, to get you talking and learning more about each other. It’s not about winning or losing but connecting.
Many will ask deep relationship questions which can open up a door to talking about the future of your relationship. Some of the questions I’ve come across in these games are:
“What would be our relationship theme song”
“What do you love most about our relationship?”
“How can I be a better communicator?”
Remember, the goal of these games isn’t to get through all the questions but to spark good conversations. They help you to ask questions you normally wouldn’t or you might be to nervous to ask. I can be awkward to randomly ask some of these questions, especially in the early stages of dating, but if its just a question on a card, it relieves some of the pressure. Plus there are some games with really good questions you wouldn’t ever think to ask.
I own this game, Conversation Cards For Couples. I like it because there are four different categories of questions (Deep, Thoughtful, Light and Spicy) and there are close to 600 questions. It is small in size as well which makes it great for traveling or to take along on a date night.
5. Wait and see
Eventually time will tell you if things are meant to be or not. The only question is how long… because you can date someone for years and have no future with them. You might think everything is great while they are actually having doubts. Trust your intuition because many times you can tell deep down… there is just a feeling that something is off.
The relationship will eventually play its course over time. You’ll either eventually break up or you’ll decide to get serious. This is the most natural approach. You could be out on a date night and when it’s time to end the date you might start talking about how nice it would be if you both could just head home together. This might lead to a talk of getting more serious in a natural way without having to force it.
Sometimes people rush things and try to figure out if a relationship has a future before they even know if they really like the person. Each person and situation is different. Some people know right away they want to get serious because of their personality or maybe because they were friends for years before. Someone else might want to take things slow because they don’t want to get hurt or maybe you met online and live in different cities.
Just make sure you aren’t waiting too long, especially if what you want is a serious relationship. It’s great to take your time and get to know one another before making any big decisions, but open communication is key to making sure that you are both on the same page and that you aren’t waiting for something that will never happen.
Still not sure if they want a serious relationship with you? Try one of these quizzes!
Quiz: Do They Want a Relationship With You?