Dating is hard enough, but when you live in a different city, state or even country, than the person you are dating, that adds a bit more challenge. Some people say they will never date long distance but it can work if you put in the time and effort.
By long distance dating you open yourself up to more options and possibilities of finding someone who you want to be in a relationship with. If you are struggling to find someone where you live then long distance dating might be a really good option for you. You never know who you might click with.
If you meet someone who is wonderful but the only problem is the location and distance, here are some helpful tips on how to make it work and have a successful long distance relationship.
Check out these related quizzes: Quiz: Is Online Dating Right for You? or Quiz: Are You in a Healthy Relationship?
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1. Video chat dates
One of the first things you should do is have a video chat date. It’s important to do it in the early dating phases because it helps you to connect more when you can see each other. It also is good to do if you have met this person online because then you can see what they look like and make sure that they are who they say they are.
If someone is refusing to video chat, that is a red flag. Some people aren’t comfortable right away and might want to take it slow, but any one who is seriously trying to date you will be willing to video chat within the first few months of talking.
Try to schedule regular video chat dates just like you would an in person date. Aim for around once a week but you can also do more if it works for your schedules.
And get creative! You can go for a walk together, watch a movie, eat dinner together, play a game or even go shopping together. Keep it fun and make the dates something that you both look forward to.
2. Regular phone calls
Regular phone calls are important in all dating but even more important for long distance dating. Throughout the week it’s good to have regular phone calls. They don’t have to be huge conversations, you can just talk about your day or what’s going on in your life.
Texting is great to do during the day to keep connected, but it can be hard to explain certain things through text. Instead of sending huge text messages to explain certain things, try to set aside some time to talk on the phone. Maybe in the evening after work or before bed. Maybe on the weekends. Or just randomly give each other a call when you’re free just like you would with a friend.
By doing so you get to hear one another’s voice and it helps you to have a smoother conversation than you would through texting. It allows you to have back and forth dialogue and see how well your conversation flows. You might get along great in texting but not so well in talking. And the reverse can be true as well, some people just aren’t good texters but they are great conversationalist.
3. Texting pictures and videos
A great way to connect with each other and feel apart of each other’s lives is to send regular pictures and videos.
One way is to send pictures and videos of things that you are doing. If you happen to go to a beautiful place like hiking or to the beach, send a picture of it. If you are doing something cool or eating a yummy dinner, send a picture. Just random stuff in your day to day life can help you two to connect and actually see what the other person is doing instead of just explaining or texting what you’re doing. Even if you don’t think what you’re doing is all that great it still helps you to get to know one another and connect.
Another great way to do this is to send pictures of yourself. If you have gotten dressed up for an event, take a quick picture and send it. If you are trying to decide on an outfit, send pictures of yourself in both outfits and see what the other person thinks. Or just send a picture of you on a regular day doing what you normally do. This is a nice way to still see each other through pictures and videos even if you can’t see each other in person.
4. Honest communication
This is key if you want any relationship to work but it’s even more important in long distance dating because you can’t see or read the other person’s body language like you can while in person. When we see each other often we learn certain things that person does when they are upset, tired or excited, but you can’t always catch on to those things over the phone or even in video chats.
That’s why it’s so important to express yourself and your emotions. If your partner does something that upsets you, they probably aren’t going to even know unless you tell them. If there is something you wish they would do but they don’t, how will they know what you want it unless you say something?
You have to be able to trust one another even more so in long distance relationships since you are so far away. It’s really easy to be unfaithful without the other person ever knowing and it’s really easy to think your partner is being unfaithful even if they aren’t. Open communication and trust is the best way to overcome those feelings.
Also, it’s important to be up front about issues that show up in long distance dating like who is going to visit who, how often you’ll visit each other, sexual temptations and if things could ever work out long term. Talking about these things builds trust, helps to figure out expectations and keeps you both on the same page.
5. Sending mail and gifts
Another great way to connect is to send each other gifts and letters. Lots of people have gotten away from sending actual letters in the mail but that extra personal touch is really awesome and helps you to get to know one another and feel closer.
Try to make sure to send gifts for birthdays and Christmas of course, but it’s even better if you can surprise one another from time to time. Don’t say anything, just let them come home and have a surprise waiting for them once in a while. Or even send some flowers before one of your video chat dates just like you’d bring flowers on an in person date.
Even just sending small gifts from Amazon such as keychains, spa sets, or a mug to their home is a great way to add a personal touch and connect. You can always send a digital gift card but it’s not always as personal as a gift you actually picked out for them.
6. Regular visits
The biggest downfall of long distance dating is that you can’t see each other as often as you’d like. However, it’s important that you make sure to see each other as often as you can. That will vary by person due to schedules, distance and money but make sure you decide on how often it’s feasible to see each other and make it happen.
Some couples who live a few hours apart see each other on the weekends. Other couples who live further see each other once a month. And others might only be able to see each other once every few months. The often more you can see each other the more likely you are to grow closer. You can’t have your entire relationship over the phone.
This can be a real challenge especially if you live far enough to have to buy plane tickets, hotels and have other travel expenses. Even gas can add up. Before getting serious with someone think about if you are financially able to go visit them and if they will be able to come and visit you. Also think about how often you can get time off of work as that can be an issue for some as well.
7. Deciding who will move
And the last yet biggest issue that you have to overcome when it comes to long distance dating is the big talk on deciding who will move. At the end of the day, your long distance relationship has to come to an end if you ever want to move forward. If marriage and spending your life together is something you both want then eventually one person, or possibly even both people, will have to take the leap and move to be in the same city.
This is really important to talk about in the beginning. See if one person is set on living in their city or if they you are both willing to move. Sometimes people have family they want to be near or a job they love and they aren’t willing to move. You also have to ask yourself If you are willing to move… are you set on staying in your city or is moving an option for you?
Once you’ve had that talk then you can decide if moving forward is even worthwhile. If both of you are not willing to move then there unfortunately isn’t much reason to try to make a relationship work. However if you have come into agreement on who would move once you have been dating long enough or after a set amount of time, then there is reason to continue. And doing this early is important because you don’t want to start to have real feelings for someone and then learn that it’s not going to work because neither one of you wants to move.
Long distance relationships do have their challenges but with time, consistency and trust, you can overcome the obstacles and end up with a really awesome relationship.