It’s hard for some people to imagine, but there are a lot of people who don’t have family. Not having family around is really hard to deal with when times get tough, the holidays come up, or you just need someone to talk to. Maybe they just don’t live nearby, you aren’t close or maybe they have all passed away. No matter what the reason is you don’t have family, here are some tips to help you deal when times get tough.
1. Redefine the word: Family
Family looks different for everyone, especially in modern times. No longer is a typical family of a mom, dad, and two kids. Most people weren’t raised by two parents. There are so many ways to define a family, it could truly be anything you want it to be. Basically people who love and care for each other.
What does a family look like to you? Is it your son and your dog? Is it your roommates who you have lived together with for years? Or maybe it’s just your sister after your parents passed away? Family is different for everyone, make your own definition.
2. Turn friends into family
Having close friends who have been in your life for years is one of the best things and is just like having family. It can actually be even better than family because friends are people who you choose to be around. You don’t get to pick your family.
If your close friends have been around since you were a kid, they probably feel a bit more like family already than friends. You have so many memories, they know most of the same people you do and they know how you are. Keep in contact with at least a couple close friends over your lifetime and they will become just like family.
3. Always ask questions
One of the worst things about not having older relatives is you feel like you have no one to ask about life decisions and grown up things. Who do ask for advice on your new job or relationship? How do you learn what a 401k is, how to open a credit card or how insurance premiums work? How the heck do you file taxes? There are so many questions that parents or grandparents usually have the answers to, but when they aren’t around you have to find out for yourself.
Google is your best friend and first place you should go for answers. Make sure the sources are reliable. If you’re still having trouble or there are just too many results, call someone who is in that field.
For example: If you don’t understand your car insurance, call the insurance company and ask them to explain it you. Most companies are more than happy to explain what deductibles are and what your actually covered for.
Not sure if you should get a Roth 401k or traditional? Call the bank associated with your company and ask a representative which one is best for you.
Need career advice? If you want to become a manager of your company, talk to a current manager. If you want to become a nurse, talk to your nurse. Ask them how they like their job, how long it took them to get there, and if they have any advice. People like to talk about themselves so many are happy to give you advice.
4. Talk to a counselor/therapist
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there is no shame in talking to a counselor or therapist. It can be extremely helpful and make you realize things you didn’t think of before. At the very least you get an entire hour to talk about yourself and your life.
If you feel like you need someone to talk to or are having a hard time dealing with difficult emotions like grief and loneliness, go for at least a few sessions. Many insurance companies or jobs offer free or discounted sessions either in person or over the phone. Even most schools and colleges offer a few free sessions to students. I’ve been to quite a few therapy sessions and I’ve barely paid for any of them. Take advantage of them.
5. Remember you aren’t alone
It can be really hard when you don’t have family. When the holidays come around and you are getting depressed and thinking of eating a TV dinner alone, find someone else who is also spending the holidays alone. You probably have coworkers or neighbors who would love some company. Download the at Meetup and look for groups who are meeting for the holidays. I’ve seen groups on Christmas and Thanksgiving that host meals and I’ve been to some 4th of July parties.
And if you aren’t ready to socialize with others, that’s okay too. Sometimes working extra hours or just spending time with yourself is the best thing to do. Cook yourself your ideal Thanksgiving meal, buy yourself a Christmas present, or get yourself a delicious burger on Labor day.
When you accomplish something great and feel you have no one to call, remember you do have friends you can call, post it on Facebook, or tell your coworkers. Someone will listen and be more than happy to share in your excitement. And remember you don’t need anyone else to celebrate. Treat yourself to something special, maybe a delicious meal, new hair cut, new shoes, or just a bottle of wine, you deserve to be celebrated!
On the flip side, when something bad happens, don’t suffer in silence. I’ll again stress the importance of close friends because you can turn to them and they will support you. If you don’t have that option there are many other coping mechanisms. Depending on the issue, maybe journaling, crying, a night out, or spending a day at the spa will help. Find a way that works for you. Check out one of these articles for helpful tips.
My favorite, always ask questions