We’ve all heard the phrase “Marry your best friend”. Many people will actually complain after they get married that the person they married isn’t their best friend or maybe not even their friend at all.
It’s important to have friendships outside of your marriage but it’s also important to have friendship within your marriage. Here are 7 reasons why it’s important to be friends first with the person you are thinking of being in a romantic relationship with.
1. You will see them for who they really are
When you go out on dates with a person, both you and them are on your best behavior. You dress up in your best outfit, try to impress them with your stories, share all the good things about yourself and leave out the bad. You’re not going to tell someone your newly dating about how you freak out when someone drives slowly in front of you or about how you always have to finish one box of cereal before you can justify opening a new one.
When you’re just friends with someone you get to see the real them. They probably won’t be all dressed up all the time so you’ll get to seem them without makeup or their hair perfect. They will be more likely to be open and honest with you because there is less pressure to be liked by you. You’ll actually learn more truth about a person by being their friend verses dating them.
2. You’ll get to do fun and low pressure group activities
One perk of having a group of friends that includes the person you have your eye on, is that you’ll get to do activities with them in a low pressure group setting. When you’re on a date, it’s kinda high pressure. You have to constantly think of things to say or things to do. You want them to like you and you don’t want there to be the dreaded awkward silence.
When you’re out with friends, the pressure isn’t all on you. There is a good chance someone will make a random joke if it does get quiet, someone else might suggest an activity and another person might ask an intriguing question. Plus you’ll get to see how the person you like interacts with others.
3. You will share common interest
When you have a friend, typically something that brought you to together as friends in the first place is having a shared interest in something. You might like the same shows, have similar hobbies or even people. Maybe you work together or go to the same church. There is usually something that brought you together in friendship and it gives you something to bond over.
When you are dating someone, you have to search to find those things to bond over. You ask them lots of questions and hope that you find something in common. Sometimes you won’t realize until after many dates in that you really don’t have many shared interest or even common values.
4. Friendship is a firm foundation
“Don’t build your house on a sandy land, don’t build it too near the shore, well it might be kinda nice but you’ll have to build it twice, oh you’ll have to build your house once more. You better build you house upon a rock. Make a good foundation on a solid spot. And the storms may come and go but the peace of God you will know.”
This is a song we used to sing in church as kids. As I’ve gotten older I realize that this can apply to many things in our life. Yes of course, it’s talking about building a relationship with God because it is a solid, unwavering relationship that will stand through the storms of life.
However, you can also apply this to romantic relationships. If you build a relationship with someone based off of looks, well looks fade and so will that relationship. If you build it off of someone having nice things or a lot of money, well if they suddenly one day no longer have all that money, will you still stay with them? If you build a relationship based off of friendship and real love, then when the storms come, when they lose their job, when you lose your looks, when someone gets sick, you will stick together because friendship and love is what bonds you together verses superficial or temporary things.
5. You will enjoy being around them
Do you know a couple that never really spends time together? There are some couples who basically just live their owns lives and then go home and share a bed. It’s like they are roommates more than a couple.
When you aren’t friends with your spouse it’s easy to just do your own things and spend time with your own friends. Each of you might even look forward to girls night or guys night more than date night. You’ll find excuses to get out of the house and maybe would rather spend time alone than with them.
When you are friends with your spouse you enjoy doing even the little things with them. You could be at the grocery store and have a great time. Road trips will be fun because you can talk and laugh for the 10 hours you’re in the car with them as opposed to feeling stuck in a car with them for 10 hours.
6. You’ll want to make them happy verses making yourself happy
When you fall in love with a friend, you want what’s best for them, even if that means you have to make some sacrifices. If they need you to listen to them vent, you’ll be there. If they need money to pay rent, you’ll give it. If they have had a bad day you’ll go out of your way to improve it.
People who are in love do this too, but when you are in love with a friend you are more focused on their happiness verses yours. Many people fall in love with someone because of what that person can do for them. Maybe they will look good together so they can post a bunch of pictures of their perfect relationship. Maybe that person buys them gifts that they can show off. But when you love a friend you are more concerned with what you can do to improve their live verses what they can do to improve your life.
7. The best relationships start with friendship
This is a true statement. When you like someone as a person for who they are you are more likely to love them for a lifetime. And once that passion fades, when they age and are no longer as attractive as they once were, you will still have that solid foundation of friendship.
Everyone wants to be married to their best friend whether they say it or not. Why wouldn’t you? It’s the person you trust the most, the one who knows you the best, the person who can make you laugh, the one who makes you feel supported and encouraged. Everyone wants to be with a person like this and when you are friends first you’ll learn these little things that will eventually turn into big things.
Friendship really is key in any relationship!. Lots to learn from. Thanks for sharing this. 🤗
So many women nowadays with their very high outrageous unrealistic expectations along with very high standards which makes it very difficult for many of us single men trying to find love now unfortunately.
That’s one reason why I like being friends first. It allows you to let your guard down and see each other for who you really are. Over time, you’ll end up learning about the person in a low pressure setting without all the expectations that come with dating.