I’m starting to understand why so many people say that dating sucks. When I started dating, it was a lot of fun. I got to go places I’d never been before and meet interesting people. Lots of dates were really fun and I had a great time. The relationship part though just didn’t work out for one reason or another, but it was okay because I could just find someone else to date.
But, now that I’ve been dating for a while… it’s losing it’s fun appeal. Dates are getting repetitive. You ask the same questions and have the same conversations. Early dating questions include:
Where are you from?
How long have you lived here?
What do you do for work?
Do you enjoy your work?
What do you do for fun?
What kind of food do you like?
What are some of your goals?
They are all pretty much basic get to know you questions. This can be the exciting part or this can also be really boring. I guess it just depends on the person. If you’re connecting and the conversation is flowing then these questions are actually really fun to answer. On the other hand I’ve been on dates where the conversation is kinda forced or one-sided. Those usually don’t result in more dates.
I think the worst part about dating is when you meet someone you really like and you think to yourself “This could be it…”. Things go great for a little while but then there is just something… there is some reason why it just doesn’t work out. Maybe we work opposite schedules or maybe we are looking for different things. Sometimes, I just don’t really like the guy after all; even though he’s great, he’s just not for me.
So then after getting excited about the guy it didn’t work out with, I have to start all over again. Sure, there’s a couple of guys I haven’t talked to in a while that I could send an out of the blue “Hey, how have you been?” message to, but there’s probably a reason I picked the other guy over them.
And so the cycle starts again…. It’s getting old.
Each time I go out on a date with a new guy I hope it’s the last first date I’ll ever go on. I just want something to work out with someone who has similar goals, values, I’m attracted to, and I have a connection with. I want it to feel easy and natural. I want both of us to just like spending time together and want to spend time together.
I want a deep connection. I want someone to build memories with. I want to talk about plans for the future like traveling and buying a house. I want to talk about our hopes and dreams. I want to feel a sense of joy by just being with each other.
I feel what I need is someone to fight for. Someone to wake up in the morning and be excited to see. Someone to make dinner for. Someone to think about throughout the day. Someone to plan things with. That someone who is going to be there for me no matter what.
Honestly, I do feel like it’s possible. I know that next week my life could be completely different. I could meet an amazing man today and next week we could be dating. We could be spending a bunch of time together and enjoying every minute of it.
But to get there, I have to go dates.
Lots of dates.
And overall dates do have their positives, I’m glad I went on pretty much all the dates I’ve been on. At the very least I got to check out a cool place or have some good food and drinks. Many of them were a lot of fun with cool or interesting people.
But even with all of the positives, dating still sucks.
Obviously bad dates suck, but even if you have a good date it kinda sucks too because you leave wondering, “Did he feel the same way?”
Even if he told you he liked you it doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is around the corner, he might not even want a relationship. Or opposite if you don’t want a relationship and he does. If you want different things it just doesn’t work out.
So-so dates are the worst though. At least with a bad date you both know it sucked and can move on. With a so-so date, you weren’t really feelin’ it and you know they probably aren’t the one for you, but at the same time they were really nice and maybe had a lot of qualities you are looking for. It’s worth at least one or two more dates, right?
But, so-so dates at best turn into so-so relationships….. sure, maybe they were just nervous or had a rough day? It’s good to give it a second or third chance sometimes. Keep in mind though, the first few dates are the time when both people are trying to impress each other and put their best foot forward. So, even if he’s a really good guy and you like a lot of things about him, sometimes you just know that he’s not what you want. It just doesn’t work. It’s just not the right match.
The truth is, I’ve gone on too many dates where I’m just not that excited about it and they usually don’t go all that well.
I keep meeting all these good guys…. They have their lives together for the most part and have goals they are striving for. They are usually nice, kind and have a sense of humor. They are good guys and there’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just, we just didn’t hit it off. I just didn’t feel it, the spark. The connection.
I know it’s out there because I’ve felt it. There are dates I get really excited for. There are people who just get you. People you just want to spend more time with. The best dates last forever but seem like the time flew by.
I don’t want good, I want awesome. I want amazing. Yeah, maybe I’m picky and maybe I’m asking for a lot, but maybe I’m not. Don’t I deserve an awesome and amazing life which includes an awesome and amazing relationship? Why should I just settle for good or so-so, when I could have so much more?